Funny Quotes

Here are funny quotes that are inspirational and have wisdom throughout them, but also will bring a smile to your face as you read them. We have many quotes and sayings that are our favorite, but one that stands out for us was said by Charles F. Kettering, "An inventor fails 999 times, and if he succeeds once, he's in. He treats his failures simply as practice shots." How true his words are!
related - funny quotes about people . . . quotes about humor . . . quotes about laughter . . . quotes on smiles . . . happiness quotes . . . quotes about joy . . . funny sayings. Share these inspirational quotes with someone who is having a bad day, bring a smile to their face. And, let the wisdom in the quotations be ones that inspire and motivate.

There is one thing about being President, no one can tell you when to sit down. Dwight Eisenhower

An eye for an eye makes us all blind. Mohandas Gandhi

Trying to predict the future is like trying to drive down a country road at night with no lights while looking out the back window. Peter F. Drucker

If a window of opportunity appears, don't pull down the shade. Tom Peters

Don't quack like a duck, soar like an eagle. Kenneth Blanchard

It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up. Vince Lombardi

Swim upstream. Go the other way. Ignore the conventional wisdom.
Sam Walton

Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects. Arnold H. Glasgow

If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree. Jim Rohn

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month. Theodore Roosevelt

Middle Age is that perplexing time of life when we hear two voices calling us, one saying, "Why not?" and the other, "Why bother?" Sydney J. Harris

When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor.
It's to enjoy each step along the way. Wayne Dyer

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. Jack Benny

If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it. Calvin Coolidge

A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on. French Proverb

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein

We can throw stones, complain about them, stumble on them, climb over them, or build with them. William Arthur Ward

The older I get, the greater power I seem to have to help the world; I am like a snowball - the further I am rolled the more I gain. Susan B. Anthony

Whenever a man's friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think he is growing old. Washington Irving

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more Funny Quotes

Bore: one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation. Benjamin Disraeli

Two things are bad for the heart - running up stairs and running down people. Bernard M. Baruch

If they can make penicillin out of mouldy bread, they can sure make something out of you. Mahummaad Ali

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. Bob Hope

Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without. Confucius

Age doesn't matter, unless your cheese. Jean Paul Richter

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller

If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else! Yogi Berra

Nobody's got it made. Nobody, no matter what they look like. Linda Evans "Here is a test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't. Richard Bach

Minds, like bodies, will often fall into a pimpled, ill-conditioned state from mere excess of comfort. Charles Dickens

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Milton Berle

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. Plato

Cultivate the habit of early rising. It is unwise to keep the head long on a level with the feet. Henry David Thoreau

Every horse thinks its own pack heaviest. Thomas Fuller

A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them. Elbert Hubbard

It is strange that the years teach us patience;
that the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for waiting. Elizabeth Taylor

The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them. George Bernard Shaw

If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem. John Paul Getty

I never knew a man come to greatness or eminence who lay abed late in the morning. Jonathan Swift

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. Charles Schulz

Women are like teabags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water! Eleanor Roosevelt

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? Erma Bombeck

When everything seems to be going against you,
remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. Henry Ford

Experience is a comb which nature gives us when we are bald. Chinese Proverb

You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. Walt Disney

When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make lemonade. Dale Carnegie

Live your life and forget your age. Norman Vincent Peale

What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing will work unless you do. Maya Angelou

Many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five. Benjamin Franklin